My brain seems to think it's winter when clearly it's not. Two weeks ago I pulled two nights of sleep out of one night; I went to bed at 5:00 on Friday night, woke up at 12:45 Saturday morning, went back to bed at 3:00, and slept until 9:00. Granted, it was excellent fuel for one of the most productive Devin-less weekends I've had since we moved into this house, but it's just not right for a person to sleep so much.

Now that I've finally gotten around to putting up some decorations and curtains and things, it finally feels like a Home, and I'm really scared that Annie won't want to renew the lease in August of 2010. I know that's over a year away, but I don't even feel like we've lived there for a year already. Time flies when you're paying bills, and I need to keep that in the back of my mind when it comes to my financials over the course of the next twelve months.

Annie has a boyfriend I think, and I'm currently... something. A lot can happen in a year; she might decide to move in with her dude, I might find someone with whom cohabitation would be an option... but the best scenario would be if we just renew the lease in 2010. It's much easier having a roommate than it is having a live-in boyfriend though: I don't HAVE to cook for her, I don't have to clean her personal space or do her laundry, and at the same time the bills are getting paid because of the extra income. When I look at Annie in that light, as an extra source of income, I am more able to find some sanity in my current living situation. But when I look at Annie as a person, I sometimes want to rip her head off.

My mother asked Devin if he had been promoted to second grade, to which he replied, "yeah, but I'll be going to a different school for second grade". When she asked him why he thought that he said, "because you have to go to a different school for every grade you're in". And that is a conversation my mother should have filed under "things that I should have kept to myself". If she didn't tell me this while sitting on the porch watching the children play at Devin's party on Sunday, I would have asked her why she told me that, I would have asked her if she were intentionally trying to make me feel as though I am completely unable to provide my son with a sense of stability. But I didn't. Instead I just agreed with her that yes, that is indeed a sad thing for a child to say.

That conversation is what started me thinking so far off into the future. I wouldn't be mad at Annie for wanting to move out after the next year is over, I could only be mad at myself for not making preparations for that possibility. I've learned by now to not be dependent on anyone for anything, partly because I am a perfectly capable person, and partly because whenever I get too comfortable leaning up against someone else, they always pull away and laugh at my fall.

So my plan is to bank as much money as I can until next August, especially starting in February 2010 when my car will be paid off, and bank my entire tax check except for the cost of one tattoo cause it's been quite a while since I got a new one. If we don't renew the lease with Gray Haven, I'll be checking into the apartments right across the street from Devin's school, where hopefully he will finish out his elementary school career. Saving money *shouldn't* be too hard in the coming months as I tend to not really leave the house once the temperature drops below 50 degrees Fahrenheit.

So there you go, a wordy update.