Devin and I were on a train, heading to a grand re-opening celebration for a newly renovated baseball field and park complex in Dundalk. There was a slide show of pictures showing how the park looked before the reconstruction, and a parade, and moon bounces, and face painting, and all that kind of stuff. The flier for the event mentioned a "special celebrity guest", but that most likely meant "someone in a Ronald McDonald outfit".
We were sitting in the grass on the field, my mother had arrived out of nowhere, and I was trying to find the perfect blade of grass to make a whistle out of it. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I heard someone say "excuse me", so I turned around to see what they wanted. It was Katy Perry. But for some reason I wasn't shocked. She wanted to know how to make a grass whistle. I showed her how, and was surprised in my dream because I'm only marginally good at this in real life. As it turned out, the "special celebrity guest" was Barney. So I wasn't too far off.
A whole bunch of other shit happened real fast after I showed her the fine art of grass whistling: Devin started coughing, so my mother took him home; me, Katy Perry, and her manager (but sadly, not her hot piece of Russel Brand boyfriend) went to this shopping center in Dundalk, but it reminded me of Massachusetts; then we all went out to dinner at the Olive Garden. Then Katy Perry tells me that they couldn't find a hotel room (apparently Dundalk is
the place to be in Dreamland), and then asks if they can stay at my house. They meaning her, her manager... and her baby.
After making some wrinkles in time, we all magically arrived at my house. Sleeping arrangements had apparently been decided on the way, and we pretty much just did our regular pre-bed routines and then went to sleep as soon as we came through the tesseract. Space and time travel is exhausting. Even when it only happens in a dream.
We all wake up. Katy Perry had some sort of famous people thing to do, and her nanny had called in the middle of the night to cancel on watching the baby. So she asks if I can watch the baby, and I do. The first thing I notice is that this secret baby of hers was only physically as developed as an infant not yet old enough to walk, but was really fucking smart, and talking, and had a whole lot of super long curly hair. That's pretty much all I got to notice before space and time had been fucked with again, because it was the next morning and Katy Perry had just woken up.
This time Katy Perry (who was starting to prove that celebrities are as needy as many believe them to be) asks me if I'd like to be her new, full-time nanny. And I said yes, again. But this time shit started getting real rad: Devin and I got to fly around the country, the world for that matter; Katy Perry hired a great private tutor to come around with us, and their fee didn't come out of my salary; sometimes Katy Perry would hire a babysitter for our kids so that I could come out on the town with her, and pretty much every other famous person in the world. It was fucking awesome. Of course this is the time when I woke up. Damnit.
I woke up SUPER pissed off because, well, who wouldn't? Yes, Katy Perry's music is only really good at being really fucking catchy, and that "Super Twins" thing she has going on with Zooey Deschanel is really fucking creepy. But who wouldn't want to be able to do something they enjoy very much (childcare), and make a fuckton of money, AND get to see the world? The famous people part isn't really anything too special, as I don't really care. But you know... maybe get knocked up by one of them and you're set for life, amirite? I could see past having to deal with a moderately cool, yet obscenely needy bitch in order to have those opportunities.
I would deal with a lot of bullshit to have those kinds of opportunities. To be able to do something that I love to do. I love childcare, but the pay is shit, so there's no way I could afford to live on that salary. I also love to write too many words, and I love to do it a lot. Even though I'm not good at it, if I could get paid for it, I could shape up real fast.
It's funny that the two things I'd most like to do with my life are things that are damn near impossible. Now I doublehate that dream.
