i don't use this any more. i'm over at jessrex.tumblr.com and it's as full of nothing as this blog was.

Trying to keep "things are (mostly) what you make them" in the front of my brain. There's a lot of other things vying for pole position, but I gotta make sure I keep that one in first.

I've been playing "Need for Speed: Underground" all weekend.

It's very hot right now and it needs to thunderstorm. It is making my head itch, and I can only imagine what it would feel like if I still had my weave.

So I thought I was going to lose my job. Then I made a big fuss about it and they said they could only give me Monday, Wednesday, Friday. They said this was due to a lack of work for me to do and a lack of funds for my position. Those things are both bullshit, but whatever.

Meanwhile, the woman they hired to clean up one of the son's gigantic messes is making $800 a week under the table for the 18 hours she works per week. This is $300 more per week than I make for 40 hours. The woman they hired to clean up said mess also; owns her own bar, owns several rental properties (including one in Ocean City), sells a line of leather handbags, drives a pre-Ford Jaguar, a brand new pickup truck, and a convertible that she only drives "on weekends, in the summer".

In comparison, I; own nothing, drive a Hyundai Accent.

Right.

i'm a little too old to not know what i want to be when i grow up.
i have yet to recover from when my mother told me that mermaids aren't real.

My aunt, who I visited in the nursing home back in August when she was given eight weeks to live, finally passed away on Friday. I'm pretty sure it took so long because they stopped all her cancer treatments and were only giving her pain management and taking care of her diabetes. I don't want to get old.

I am a bad person and I should feel bad.

I got a weave. It makes me feel pretty. It itches real bad.

Funniest thing someone has said to me in a long time: "You should be a stand-up comedian!".

They must not know about my crippling "omg people are looking at me" complex.

Dating advice sucks. The whole "you can't change a person" shit bugs me. If there is no such thing as perfect (which, to me, is relative to your own personal preferences), and we shouldn't want to change someone, how in the hell are people supposed to date? When we get together with a person who we would like to change, but can't or shouldn't because it's not nice, isn't that what's also known as "settling"? And isn't "settling" for someone kind of a negative thing too? Christ, man. I'm screwed.

It would do my self esteem a world of good to know that somewhere in the world, for some reason or another, there is a person who is jealous of me.

Haven't put anything here for a while. I've been too introspective lately to post anything with much entertainment value, and no one likes me because of my rambling about my life. Most people only like me because I make them laugh, so it's gonna get real quiet for a while on here.

Things

-It snowed a whole bunch. And then it snowed a whole bunch more. I adjusted my attitude towards the situation, but am by no means in such a state where I'd go play in the bullshit.

-I never knew that Febreze is made of: water, alcohol, "odor eliminator derived from corn", fragrance. I found this out yesterday and it's still kind of blowing my mind.

-Valentine's Day: a reminder that I made it through yet another year without finding someone significant enough to celebrate it with.

I have a hard time understanding why the office guys at my job are so surprised when our subcontractors and suppliers call here looking for money. Isn't that kind of what's supposed to happen? Receive goods or services, dispense cash?

Work has been making me want to die lately, but apparently not enough as I don't have the desire to quit smoking long enough to pass a piss test. I'm also not motivated to go out and buy work clothes, since I haven't had to wear them since May of 2007.

Fuck, I've been here way too long.