I guess it's the changing of the seasons that puts me in the mood to try to create positive change for myself. This spring I decided, upon doing some very painful calculations, to attempt to quit smoking. My math shows that I basically wake up every morning and set $14 on fire; that adds up to $5,110 per year, 14% of my take home salary. The financial aspect is the only reason I'd quit anyway as the health benefits of quitting don't really matter to me. I'm one of those kind of folks, those people who justify their bad habits by saying that they're going to die anyway, and they'll be doing the things they enjoy when they do. Those people.

I went without the patch today. OK I lie, I wore the patch until the obsessive cleaning I was doing in order to not think about smoking made me sweat it off. Those things are expensive so I didn't want to use another one after I showered. I'm actually doing better and feeling a little better in the head about it today. Because I like to drag things out until there's nothing left to drag, I'm only cutting back for now; going from two packs per day to one pack per day. One pack is still a lot, but considering that I'm cutting my consumption in half, I'd say I'm off to a pretty OK start. I've been at a pack since Thursday, and I'm going to try to go down to 15 cigarettes on Monday. Three-quarters of a pack for those of you who don't know about cigarettes. Four days after that I'm going to try to go down to a half pack, and so on.

So yeah. So far I've noticed that my lungs hurt more, which is a thing I don't understand. Maybe it's because I'm not forcing my lungs to get used to great quantities of cigarettes early in the day so my morning lung is hanging around a little longer. I'm coughing more as opposed to less, my hair and clothes actually smell like hair and clothes, not cigarettes. Probably the best side effect of starting to quit smoking is the emerging obsessive compulsive behavior. I cleaned like a fucking nut today; vacuuming cobwebs from the ceiling and corners, cleaning the woodwork, dusting, hand-washing the kitchen floor. I saved the bathroom and rest of the kitchen so that I'll have something to do tomorrow. Apparently cleaning is something that most semi-motivated fiends are good at.

I guess that means that the poor readers of this blog will also have to put up with a little more babbling from me. It's hard to smoke and actually appreciate the cigarette when you're typing. Half of the cigarette ends up burning while dangling from your lips, and that's even more of a waste than actually smoking. And if my brain is busy forming ideas other than, "why don't you go smoke a cigarette?", I might have a better chance. Considering that this entry is entirely about cigarettes, I may or may not be on the right path. Oh yeah, and if any of you need a cleaner... seems like I might be your woman.

I indulged in some stereotypically hipster* entertainment this past weekend. I watched a French film called "Mon Oncle D'Amerique", because apparently the French only ever make films, never movies. I followed that up with a private screening of the hipster classic, "Annie Hall", just to see what the hype is all about within the aforementioned subculture. In order to experience full submersion, I made sure to have myself a meal of safely ethnic cuisine and had enough PBR on hand to kill a horse.

I stumbled across "Mon Oncle D'Amerique" while browsing the free movies made available by my cable provider. The film is basically one really long Psychology 101 movie; it's based on the ideas of French philosopher Henri Laborit who appears in the film, usually after one of his points has been proven or is about to be proven by the characters. It was pretty great. The characters and plot were very well developed for what appears to be an "educational movie". I very much enjoyed the format; a romantic drama accurately portraying human emotions with an actual, psychological explanation for the resulting behaviors. So I Googled the director and it turns out he's kind of a big deal; a lot of his other films seem really interesting, if not a little heady and dark. Though I very much enjoyed this film and will enjoy viewing his other works, I'm only going to give it a B, as I tend to eschew all things hipster and they have already laid claim to all things French.

I wanted to hate "Annie Hall" so bad, obviously because hipsters love it but also because it's almost exactly like every other movie of its genre these days. But I forget that this movie is now over thirty years old. So I guess it was a trendsetting film in its day; one of those pieces of cinematic importance that end up being quoted as inspiration for so many other film makers. If I could travel back to 1977 and see it in theaters, I would most likely be able to say that I loved it. Unfortunately, the directorial methods used in this movie have been ingested and regurgitated so many times since its release, that you have to go back to the original in order to be able "feel it". Which does nothing to help me connect to the times I currently live in, it just further reinforces my opinion that true creativity is dying and that every day is repost day. Perhaps that is why "Annie Hall" is so coveted amongst these people; it's depressing.

*: The terminology is used as a catch-all term to describe those people who believe that their interests and activities within their impenetrable group make them somehow better than other people. Can alternatively refer to a person or group of persons who are so lost in the group mindset that they forget that what they were originally going for was "expression of individuality".**

One day I might actually admit that I'm nothing but an aging hipster who due to being actually, not just fashionably poor, hasn't yet acquired the proper uniform. This is not that day.

**: Hipster hating is no better than being a hipster, for the record.