Devin is with Jesse for the next week. I'm not sure what to do with all this free time, if I do anything at all. I haven't had this much free time since July 20, 2002. There are a lot of things I need to get done, but that has absolutely no bearing on whether or not I actually will get them done. I really, really need to set up Devin's intake to get him started on whatever medication they want to put him on, so that this tutoring I've arranged will take hold and he can be closer to where he needs to be come the start of school. His tutoring starts next Monday and I hope he doesn't play shy-guy and make me mad because he needs this, he needs it a lot.

I'm half tempted to not do anything but whatever immediately makes me happy for this week. I've been feeling easily overwhelmed as of late; school meetings about medication; making calls and arrangements to start medication; making arrangements to get a tutor for Devin over the summer; keeping the house immaculate basically by myself; keeping the yard up to the management's specifications basically by myself; "working" full-time; doing all of the cooking; being on a diet; being back in school; being a shoulder for friends when I have no shoulder myself to cry on. Shit wears on a woman, you know?

In no particular order, here is a partial to-do list, because I find it easier to get shit done when I have committed it to "paper":

-Take Devin's winter clothes and baby books/toys/movies to Goodwill.
-Clean out the living room closet and pantry in the kitchen.
-Figure out what to do with all the free crap we got when we moved in here that it's obvious we'll never use. Probably take that stuff to Goodwill too.
-Finalize getting Devin on medicine.

Obviously the Devin/medication thing should be the most important thing, but it's the hardest. I've already come to terms with the fact that he needs to be on some sort of medication, but can't seem to bring myself to actually get it done. I feel like there's more I can do before I jump to medicine, but I've done it all; I've tried the dye/preservative-free diet; I've tried using an egg timer while studying with him; I've tried the "competition with Mommy cause she's in school too" thing; I've tried taking him outside to work on school stuff; I've talked to him and tried various "punishments" and none of it seems to work for more than a few days. No one wants to feel like their baby is broken, and that's how I feel. I feel like he is this way because of genetics or something I did or didn't do while I was pregnant with him, and because of those things I feel like it's my job to "fix" him, and that has never really included putting him on medication. I feel like a bad mom.

On top of all that, I'm sick, so that's only going to make it extra-hard for me to get motivated to do anything besides lay around the house. Well there's only one of me, so I'm going to have to get motivated somehow because by now I've learned that shit's not going to get done unless I do it myself.