When I went to pay for my class a month or so or more ago, they neglected to inform me of the $25 registration fee, so I went to pay that yesterday. And because I had some extra money due to skipping my car payment this month, with Hyundai's permission of course, I decided to go ahead any buy my books for the first college course I've taken since 2003. I don't expect a parade for it, this isn't the first time ever that someone has decided to go to college. But it is a big deal to me because this is the first time I've ever genuinely wanted to do this. All of the other times felt more like rehab than something I should want to do; I knew I had to go, I didn't want to go, but I went anyway to make everyone else happy. "Went" is a rather generous term to describe my previous college career. I was enrolled in courses that were paid for, but that's about it. Aside from my generous 0.83 GPA, the only proof you'd find of my time spent in college is a dusty book or two in my mother's storage unit.

This is the first time I've genuinely wanted to do this specific thing, and this is the first time in years that I've put myself ahead of certain other aspects of my life in a positive way. I'm putting some really strong opinions aside in order to do something for myself that could greatly benefit me and my son. I guess maybe you could call it "constructive selfishness". It's my own little special thing that I'm super proud of. Until the newness wears off and I get bored and decide to...not engage in negative self-talk any more? That'll probably take a lot more effort than passing English 101 on my fourth try.

Less than two weeks and we'll see if I'm cut out for this. Again.