April Fools' Day is a holiday I enjoy celebrating as much as other people enjoy celebrating those other stupid holidays. I can only imagine what this says about my character. Just as some would enjoy having a cookout with friends on Memorial Day, I would enjoy inviting everyone I know over to my house for a cookout on April Fools' Day. Except when they all showed up, I would leave and hide somewhere nearby so I could laugh at them for showing up to an April Fools' Day cookout. And really, I could probably get away with it because I might be the only person who even thinks about it. I think my love of the day is because I'm an asshole, and sometimes we derive moderate amounts of joy from other people's embarrassment.

Today being April Fools' Day, immediately upon arriving at work I sent my mother an email saying "Did you hear about Robert Pattinson?". My mother has recently become completely obsessed with this whole "Twilight" shit and for some reason it's been bothering me that she's so hard pressed about a series meant for people younger than me. So I told her that he was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer. She replied "OMG" and asked me where I heard it. I immediately went to his Wikipedia page to see if I could edit it and have it stay edited for at least ten minutes so she could see it and be heartbroken that her beloved Edward had fallen ill. This is something I should have done before I mentioned his balls, his page was locked. I couldn't do anything but tell her that I had gotten her ass, then she called me and used all three of my government names to address me and I was thoroughly amused.

After the initial idea, I got caught up in a whirlwind of Wikipedia edits. I looked up a few other "celebrity'" pages (Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus, Zac Efron, etc) that I thought would be fun to make changes to, but they were also locked. Until I went to Heidi Montag's page, where I made the following change: "Ms. Montag also has plans to develop and produce her own line of BPA-free sex toys; including an extensive collection of anal beads and plugs. In order to ensure the quality of her product it has been rumored that Heidi and her partner, Spencer Pratt, have personally tested all toys. The toys will be available at online retailers in the fall of 2009.". It stayed that way until one of my co-workers emailed the link to perezhilton.com and dlisted.com, and I'm sure one of those rat bastards told on me.

During the course of the morning I made changes to "The Hills" page where I stated that Entertainment Weekly is mostly staffed by slightly retarded folk for including the show on a list of influential television shows; the creator of "The Hills" page where I stated that he is rich off of the retardation of the general public and probably laughing about it; and the "Battlestar Galactica" page where I stated that it was the best television program that had ever been aired and that the cast of "The Hills" should have been invited to do a cameo and been promptly tossed out of the airlock. My television loving roommate watches "The Hills", and I think I'm feeling a little salty because a new season is starting soon. This may or may not have been part of my motivation. Also, I should probably have a thesaurus open in another tab so that I can curb my use of various forms of the word "retard". It's ok. It's April Fools' Day.

My fun came to an end when I found that ALL of my edits had been reverted and that I had received a friendly message from a Wikipedia cop telling me to: "Please refrain from making unconstructive edits to Wikipedia. Your edits appear to constitute vandalism and have been reverted. If you would like to experiment, please use the sandbox. Thank you.". Really? That isn't such a great way to tell someone to stop doing something. I mean, if they really wanted me to stop they wouldn't have said please... "please" makes fulfilling a request sound optional. At least I found another something unconstructive to do at work. And sandboxes can cause yeast infections, so I definitely don't want any parts of that.